As a trained collaborative attorney, family lawyer, and certified mediator, Mr. Darren M. Shapiro, Esq. has navigated through a wide range of different conflicts between parties and clients. As conflicts escalate for any reason, adversaries can often lose sight of their ultimate goals and end up causing more damage to an already suffering relationship. Given just how destructive such escalation can be, it’s important to discover useful strategies in reversing and limiting the process. Mr. Shapiro utilizes de-escalation techniques primarily in mediation, but also in collaborative law and other areas of his practice in an attempt to raise new forms of interaction between adversaries and reduce problems.
It’s easy to see where issues of conflict may arise within the realm of family law. Parties may quickly become intolerant of each other’s opinions or requests when it comes to matters of child custody, parenting time or visitation, child support, maintenance, or equitable distribution. The more room conflict is given to grow, the more likely it is that the disruption between the parties will escalate already existing problems – erecting barriers in resolving a case and finding an amicable solution. It is the task of professional mediators and collaborative lawyers such as Mr. Darren Shapiro to find and provide the right techniques for resolving matrimonial and family law cases, and de-escalating conflict. Importantly, the de-escalation methods used for mediation and some collaborative cases can be somewhat effective in litigation or classic settlement negation – however the adversarial model the court system uses often escalates conflict instead of reducing it.
Once initiated by an individual such as Mr. Darren Shapiro, de-escalation requires a great deal of patience and an effort needs to be made to utilize them. Crucially, it is often found that various small steps must be taken in order to approach more significant strategies for de-escalation. After all, the journey from full-out war to co-operation can be a long one. What’s more, because de-escalation depends upon the attitude and actions of both parties to succeed, it’s crucial to find a level ground on which both parties can communicate.
One issue that collaborative lawyers and mediators like Mr. Shapiro frequently find in divorce mediation cases and some matters of collaborative law – is that if one party feels as though they are not being listened to properly, they grow reluctant to listen to anyone else. This means that ensuring both parties in a case have equal attention and respect is crucial, as people want to be sure they are heard in a dispute. If someone feels ignored, they could stop listening in response – hurting the negotiation and escalating the current conflict.
One method that can be used to help a party feel understood and heard is looping. “Looping” techniques are used when a professional mediator or attorney listens to the words that are being said by either side and then repeats that information in a way that acknowledges listening and understanding. This method can be useful in helping everyone, including the mediator, to get an improved understanding of what each person is trying to achieve and say. What’s more, each client must be aware of the ground rules within a negotiation before mediation begins, or a legal case starts to be addressed. Each party should be given the opportunity to say their piece, and equal time to discuss whatever needs they might have without interruption. Mr. Shapiro regularly requests that mediating couples direct any comments they may have towards him, rather than each other – as this can reduce feelings of anger and discomfort.
Often, conflict escalation can take place with both parties feel threatened by the other. Generally, to protect themselves, clients look for ways to threaten the other side. However, Mr. Shapiro works to reduce these negative feelings and encourage a better collaborative result. When it comes to establishing a peaceful negotiation in family law, competition, avoidance, and revenge are all concepts which can worsen conflict. On the other hand, Mr. Shapiro has found that emphasizing collaboration, accommodation, and compromise leads to more chance of an issue being de-escalated and resolved. Using facilitative approaches permits specific information to be shared regarding everyone’s needs, in the hope that both parties can work together to find the right solution. Discussing why each party wants a particular outcome and how goals can be reached is useful for everyone involved.
Sometimes, the idea of “splitting the difference” between needs and goals of both parties can be useful – but this isn’t the only resolution available. Compromise is considered frequently throughout family law – but it’s only a single strategy in accessing the optimum results. It’s worth noting that intangible things such as relationships and trust, as well as tangible aspects like money will be emphasized throughout negotiations. Certified mediators such as Mr. Darren Shapiro are equipped with the training and communication skills that allow them to help people come together and discuss the various factors of their conflict.
The aim of mediation within family law is generally to reach an agreement that both parties feel they can accept or live with. This means searching for a zone of possible agreement in which both parties can consider the range of what could be acceptable in terms of compromise. Most good mediators will push for self-determination to ensure that those in the conflict consider the matter surrounding their issue in depth. Although mediation takes place frequently within the shadow of the legal system, it’s usefully less restrained by demands of what court orders – allowing people more flexibility and control in finding the right solution for them.
If you would like to discover more information about the quick, effective, and streamlined process of mediation in family law, then feel free to reach out to us. If you would simply like to discuss the concept of hiring Mr. Darren Shapiro as your personal mediator, collaborative attorney, or family lawyer, then contact us to schedule your free initial consultation at your early convenience. Let us know what we can do to help you – we look forward to discussing your case with you.